When we think of the word “relationship” most of think about being in relationship wtih people, whether it be family, friends, loved ones, intimates, etc. And what I am becoming keenly aware of as I get older, is my relationship to the non-people stuff in my life. For example… money, love, the world around me, etc. What is my relationship to all of these things is a fascinating place to look.

We think they are all just topics that we are trying to manage and change. And yet, if we think about them in terms of a being in a “relationship” with them, it changes the game completely. If I do not realize I can have a consciously created relationship to money, then I am just victimized by how much I have at any given moment. If I do not realize that my relationship to love is completely creating my experience with love in my life, then I am in complete denial. So, take a look around at your circumstance and ask yourself, “What is my relationship with X, Y or Z?” This level of awareness can change everything. Really, go create a new relationship with these things in your life and see how they change – just like you can go change your relationship with any person and it opens up new vistas of possibility. The same principles apply! Have at it!

I was doing my run yesterday and was getting very passionate about various things in my life. Yet as each topic was filled with joy and enthusiasm there was this habitual thought that said, “but you cannot have or do that because… (fill in the blank here with “not enough money,” “not enough time,” “not filled with enough wisdom or smarts,” etc)… you get the idea. Now we all know about this experience and it got me wondering about this process. There is this word in our language called “lackluster” which means:

lack·lus·ter

• lacking  brilliance or radiance; dull: lackluster eyes.
• lacking  liveliness, vitality, spirit, or enthusiasm: a lackluster performance.

Today, I got seduced yet again to the big “goals” of my life – the outcomes of what I want to create – those goals like my mortgage paid off in 5 years or a best seller book by 2013.  Now, this does not sound like a bad thing, yet, I notice that by focusing on the goals creates stress and anxiety in me big time as it activates that old standard question “how to create them.” It has me loose focus on the “game” in life that I am playing right now. I am not a happy camper when I go here – really! And yet, when I re-focused on the “game” that I am up to in my life right now, I became more creative, more alive and connected to myself again. I have heard from many folks that when we get to the later years of our life, we remember most how we lived life – way more than the goals that we achieved along the way. When I coach folks these days, I tell them right upfront that I am not a goal focused coach – I focus on the “game of life” that you want to live – for I know the goals will happen organically. So, the big question to ask ourselves is, ‘are you living a goal oriented life? Or a “game” oriented life?’  Thoughts?

The other day I was on a business conference call and someone said that classic business phrase, “Well, money talks, you know.” Now, I so know what they meant and even agree with the underlying meaning… be fiscally responsible with our business money decisions. And yet later in the day (during my daily jog) it came to me – what if we said more often “passion talks” or better yet “passion sings.”  What would life be like for all of us if we let passion drive our decisions a good portion of the time? I know this is easier said than done, yet I do know that when things are done from the space of passion, the money takes care of itself. Many of you reading this today know this to be true! So, the next time you hear the phrase “money talks, you know,” either from yourself or from someone else, dare to replace it with “passion sings, you know.”  And great songs change our world!

I was talking to friend of mine the other day about possibly doing some work with his organization. We both got very excited about the positive impact this work could have on his team. In the final moments of the conversation he then asked that I send him some concrete measurable positive outcomes of my work from other clients. In a flash I could feel my heart race, my anxiety level go up and some good old anger erupt (not outwardly however.) I said due to confidentiality agreements I would not be able to be too specific but would offer some overall thoughts as well as testimonials. He said it would be best to have concrete defined outcomes from other organizations so that his boss would be able to sign off on this work. I said I would do my best.

Since that call I have pondered what my anger and anxiety was about. I am sure there are many levels and much complexity to my response and yet I now have one major insight as to what this was about. We have lost the ability in our world to trust in things that are not measurable – not seen. The work I do is about creating fulfilling lives for people, creating better working relationships, and creating positive motivating energy for individuals, teams and organizations. This is NOT measurable stuff. This is about changing the energy.

The energy of people and teams is not measurable. It is experienced in our hearts and souls. You may know this as EQ work – Emotional Intelligence. Now, I so understand the necessity of needing good references and data sometimes to minimize risk – totally get this! This guys boss has no idea who I am or what I do. And yet, why have we lost the ability to lean into trusting and intending that something will work rather then needing proof that it will work?  We have a world that is so focused on guaranteed outcomes and is less willing to trust intuition and gut reactions. (I know this comes from fear.) Back to my call –  my own internal response was somewhere in the land of “this must work or else.” No wonder my heart rate went crazy. Well, I gotta say, I cannot do my life this way anymore.  I have no idea if it is going to work. My track record is pretty good – hundreds of workshops – thousands of participants over a period of 20 years, but definitive measurable “proof” I do not have. I do have thousands of stories and thank you notes (I save every one by the way) which touch my heart way deeper than any spread sheet could ever measure. I say if we trusted a bit more in the “unseen” world and needed a bit less proof from the “seen” world, it would go way better. Apple has NEVER EVER done a focus group for ANY of its products. The largest company in the world created all of its success from intuition and imagination. Talk about trust and intention! Meanwhile I am now putting together my “data” for my friend, because I am wildly invested in doing good work for he and his team. I deeply trust and intend that whatever I provide will be enough!

(If you are interested in going deep within the realm of what I am talking about here, please go check out the work of Leza Danly and Jeanine Mancusi called “Lucid Living” -truly transformative!  www.lucidliving.net)

On my run yesterday, I was sweating profusely as the temperature was abnormally high. Of course I was pondering my life yet again, and had this huge desire for my life to feel way more “solid” then it currently does. I had this major pull to needing to KNOW — I wanted solidity to all of my life challenges. Then, as the sweat poured down my face, I realized that our bodies are mostly made up of water — most say somewhere around 60%. Immediately, there was this small voice in my head that said, “Why do you need everything to be so solid, when you are made up mostly of fluid (water)?” I know this may sound odd, but this metaphor was deeply enlightening for me — I keep wanting things to be solid and yet I am made up of mostly fluid. Wow, how interesting, eh? It is time to give over to living a more fluid life — a life where I go with the flow – where I am way more flexible with all my circumstances — where I let go of being attached to things being nailed down solid. Notice for yourself where you are on the “solid to fluid” continuum. Do you lean more toward a solid lifestyle or to a more fluid lifestyle? If I were to listen to what my body told me today, I vote for fluid!

I notice I still have that small voice in my head (or maybe it just lives in the memory cells of my body) that is hoping (or needing sometimes) that I will be picked by someone – you know that whole getting-picked-for-a-team thing that happens all the way through high school for most of us. Well that lives on in me still – which is something to admit out loud and freeing to do so. Whether it be for a corporate keynote event or a workshop or for my new book proposal that I have out there now, there is a part of me that keeps waiting for someone to decide to pick me. And when I get really really honest with myself about it, this is about me (or some part of me) thinking that once I am picked I am now ok. AND, because permission has been granted by someone outside of me, I will now be able to fully show up as me, because after all they did “pick me.” Well, as you may have guessed by now, it does not work that way. It works in the complete opposite way. It is about living an “express me” life. It is about putting our unique messages and talents out there for all to see and then notice who responds. They will be “choosing” you because you have showed up fully as your full self – out there for all to see. They will be choosing you because you have dared to share all of you and they long to align and ally with what you are about.

And here is the truth, you are already picked, because you are here on this earth at this time – for God does not make mistakes! You’re on the team already, so go play full out! Express more of yourself today, and let me know what happens – would love to hear… Best, Rick

What we “say” we want and what we “experience” creates a gap. This is that space between how I want my life to look or what I am actually experiencing in my day to day life. Very simply, this is the source of pain and discontent. The organization or team version of this is the gap between what the organization “espouses” (like a list of values on a plaque on some wall) and what the employee actually “experiences” in their day. This is not an easy topic to address or even an easy overnight one to fix. One must start with the speaking the truth of this gap otherwise it is a futile exercise in “denial” that goes nowhere. Dare to name your gap today for yourself, for your team or for your entire organization. This will take courage, yet, when it is expressed the wheels are now in motion to close that gap, naturally and organically. Look at how water finds its way towards any gap. And if we are made up of at least 60% water, then we inherently have the internal mechanism to close any gap in our lives. I know this to be true.  Namaste!

I woke up this morning with this not so pretty thought. (Morning crummy thoughts are not good, let me tell ya–they color one’s whole day!)

Sometimes I look around my world (or on the web or TV) and see many folks creating and delivering great stuff, whether it be in the arts or in the human development field, which I am a part or wherever.  And there is the part of me that can become deeply envious of what they have created and of them personally–this is not a good feeling–yikes!  This then activates all those internal voices that say things like, “How did they do that? How come my idea is not spreading like theirs?”  You all know that voice, we all have it- damn! And yet, if I just switch my viewpoint to a perspective of “being inspired” by what they have created everything changes.  ”What can I learn from what they have created?” is such a better question.  And simply sitting back and letting myself experience the magic and beauty of what they created is also a far greater choice.  To be the recipient of some inspiring thoughts and ideas from this amazing person is such a gift.  And isn’t that what we all want– to be inspired.  So instead of waiting to be inspired by someone, what if we all decide to “be inspired” by them first and then see what is possible from that perspective.  Why do I not remember this?  Well, at least for today, I did. I am grateful for that. Namaste!